Monday, 8 February 2021

Deep Thinking Times, 1, 2, and 3

It has been a while since I blogged, but life has got in the way unfortunately. Although not particularly chaotic, certain events required me to have deep thinking times, which rendered me without the words to send onto the pages of this blog. 

So, Deep Thinking Time One:

In October 2020, despite the lockdowns in France, we had people come to view the farm, which we had put up for sale when we left in May 2020 due to circumstances beyond our control. 

Despite our doubts that the young couple would go through with the sale....they did just that, and on 29th January 2021 the farm became theirs. 

Much heart felt thinking have I done over the last few weeks as a result. For a while I felt a sense of loss, almost of home sickness, for the farm, and the life style we had there. 


Thirteen years of hard work, and good work, and fun, and downturns and upturns, life, that is what we were doing. But now the farm is in the hands of a young French couple, who hope to continue on what we have built. Time to move on, that is what we are now doing, but only after a lot of thinking time has been spent on making this transition. 

Deep Thinking Time, Two:

Since May 2020 we have been living in a typical English country cottage, which is rented while we search for a new home. We thought that we would move into a house in the country, maybe with a bit of land. A continuation of the smallholding life, we thought. But the months of 2020 brought about Deep Thinking Time Two, that perhaps we were done with smallholding life, that we had enjoyed the experience but that the memories of that life belonged to France and not England. Gradually we were shifting away from that life, and allowing ourselves to do so without holding on to what had been. 

A week before Christmas, and we thought we might have a look at a ground floor dwelling, in other words....a bungalow. Now in my head I have always equated bungalows with old age pensioners......somewhere where you would live when most of your faculties were gone...... but my partner was adamant that we should view the property. 

To my surprise it ticked all the boxes, previous viewings of houses having given us the experience of what we needed to have in a home and what we didn't. Mostly it was to do with floor space for an office, a craft room, a recording room, and maybe somewhere where a meditation room could be set up as well. We were not too bothered by the size of our actual living space, it was the work space which was most important. As for the garden, we found ourselves not wanting agricultural space, but maybe somewhere which would give us a garden which was more of a hobby rather than a 'must do'. The bungalow ticked all these boxes. 

We are currently in the process of purchasing the bungalow. I shall show you photos of it if and when it becomes our home. There are several factors, all to do with finances, which might scupper the purchase. But the bungalow is on New Road, Telford, Shropshire, and is called Libourne. A search on the internet said that Libourne is the name of a village in Aquitaine, France. This village is just north of where the farm is, which is called Labartere. So if we do end up with the bungalow, every time I say its name it will remind me of the connection we had with France. It will feel as if Labartere has led to Libourne, and I am really alright with that, and see the hand of Greater Forces moving me along with the plan of my life. 

Deep Thinking Time, Three:

Towards the end of last year I was having episodes of coughing and general malaise to my breathing apparatus. On the 9th of January 2021 I went into hospital with a particularly bad bout of breathing difficulties,  and was diagnosed with pneumonia, which cleared up within a few days with the help of oxygen and antibiotics. 

However, this is the time of Covid, and on the second night in the hospital I was transferred to another ward which had a patient who had actual Covid symptoms, which rendered me as First Contact Covid in the eyes of those who monitor such things. At the same time I had a CT scan which showed up certain problems, which then encouraged the cardiac people to want to keep me in hospital for further observation. 

So I was put into a Covid isolation 'tent', which is a white plastic gazebo looking appliance designed to keep everything Covid related outside of the tent, and me safe inside. It was a good idea, I suppose, but the nurses had to come in and out of the tent, and I refused to stay in bed, and there was no way I was going to have a chamode to go to the loo on and insisted that I was fit enough to go to the loo by myself and on my own feet. I wore a facemask when anyone came into the tent, as did they. I washed my hands frequently and did all the 'safety' precautions as given by the government.

But I was not going to stay in that tent all the time, so when the six bed ward was quiet I would walk up and down to stretch my legs, and have chats with other patients whilst social distancing, which was easy because all of them stayed in bed. I would not do that, because I thought that actually getting back into bed would be the finish of me. To lay on top of it was alright though, as was sitting in my bedside chair, crocheting, reading, making notes about future projects, and meditating.  

Because we were all in lockdown, no one could have visitors. For four weeks I did not see my other half, although he did bring to the door of the ward items I had requested, but I was not allowed to see him. For us, this was not too bad as we had mobile phones to keep in contact with each other, but for the elderly folk in the wards this was a deep distress. I learnt so much about the human condition during this time, and also of the feeling of comradery between us patients, and the way in which we supported each other. The nurses too, those generous hearted people who took care of us with patience and love. With Covid such a fear in most people, these nurses went beyond their call of duty, especially in the wards 10, 10B, and 8, which were the Covid related wards. 

But I only saw one lady who had actual Covid, the rest of us were First Contact Covid, but with negative results showing when tested. 

And sending blessings to Norah, a 97 year old lady, bed ridden, hardly able to walk, who had to have help with eating sometimes, and was so lonely for her family that it pulled at my heart strings. And to Rosemary, at 93 she had walked into the hospital but was now on a Catheter, and was probably not every going to get out of bed again as she had given up because her family could not visit. And to Chris who helped me sort out my thoughts about being in hospital, and to many others, including the nurses.....some of whom I helped emotionally, some of whom helped me. As I say, it was time of great comradery because of being so isolated from the outside world.

I was alright for the first three weeks, but when week four started I began to feel institutionalised. By now I was in a ground floor ward, and was feeling the effort of continually being positive starting to go beyond me. I had 'enjoyed' the thinking time that being in hospital had given me and had regarded those first three weeks as a time of rest from life. Everything was done for me, and it was good to just enjoy. The pneumonia was now gone, and there was no pain anywhere in my body. However, I was starting to feel that my mobility was sliding away, .....

So what do you do if you were me? And a cardiac doctor comes for a visit? A visit that he should have made four days ago but didn't? What do you do if you are me? You stridently demand that you be let home...... you say that you need to 'rebalance' yourself...... and he is saying that he wants to keep you in for a possible two to four weeks....... and you are resisting, knowing that he might want you to stay in because it is appropriate for your body, but for your mind it is no good because you can feel yourself not yourself.......So he said to give him two more days so he can have a meeting with the cardiac team, and you say 'sorry' to him because he is, after all, only doing his job of trying to take care of me, and so on Thursday he appears and says that I am go home, but to attend Outpatients. 


And that's it so far! It was magical to see my partner waiting to collect me from hospital, and I was relieved to be able to walk from the hospital to the car. I had gone into hospital in a wheelchair. It felt an achievement to be able to walk away from it. 

Overall I feel better in myself. The farm is now in our history, and hopefully soon we shall be in a new home although the cottage is alright for the moment. 

Bye for now, 

In love and light



DUTA said...

It's good to hear from you, Vera.
Congrats on selling the farm in France! Well done!
Wishing you good health and a smooth buying of the bungalow!

Mama Pea said...

Oh, my goodness, Vera! What you have been through and still remain your ever-positive self is a wonder. First off, I am glad the farm in France sold. Keep all your good memories of it, but let any negative feelings go as I know you will. I'm glad you and your husband have had this period in which to sort out all kinds of thoughts and feelings and make a decision that is good for you both. Best wishes that the purchase of the bungalow goes just as you wish it to. Won't it be exciting to begin on this new phase of your lives with so much less pressure and hard work ahead of you? It will be a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the update. Such a positive attitude you exhibit. Much good luck with acquiring your new home. Glad you came through the Covid ordeal and walked out of the hospital under your own steam! Stay well.

Vera said...

DUTA: Thank you...... we were surprised that the farm sold so quickly, and to a French couple as well!

MAMA PEA: I have such fond memories of the time I spent smallholding in France, but am glad that I am free to do other things which I have not had time to do. As you say, it will be a good thing!

ANONYMOUS: I was so happy that I managed to leave hospital on my own two feet.....I do try to stay positive, and manage it for most of the time!

northsider said...

Good to hear you're OK Vera. Best wishes for your new home. Please post a photo when you've settled in.

walking in beauty carmarthenshire said...

Hi vera, so glad your sale has goe through and that you are at the start of a new exciting phase.
we too have had some deep thonking periods, similar in many ways to yourself.
my husband went in for xrays due to a cough and they whisked him away into a similar ward and a tent,he was in for a few weeks with water on the lungs, with visits to cardiac etc etc. he to 'excused. himself and came home. so realise how you may have been feeling.
Hope everything resolves well. good luck to you.
Kathy xx

Vera said...

WALKING IN BEAUTY: Knowing someone else had also had a similar experience moved me to tears, Kathy. I hope your husband is making good progress, and sending out my thought to you both. Vx

Vera said...

NORTHSIDER: I shall indeed post some photos when we move into our next home! But there will be no poly tunnel footage...... just a little greenhouse and a few raised beds!

Jean said...

It's good to have an update but I'm sad to hear how much you have been through the mill.
Good luck with the bungalow. We now have a bungalow as our UK home, with an added upstairs. In fact our French house is also a "bungalow" of sorts, a longère, with an upstairs created out of the loft. (There the similarity ends.) I can vouch for the fact that it does not make me feel any older than I really am and we find it immensely convenient!
In reality future proofing your house is no bad thing. Who wants to move again when they're 85 or 90? Great news on selling the French farm. Although it's sad to leave behind the life you may have always wanted, you did it and did it well, with so many wonderful memories.

rusty duck said...

Get well soon Vera, exciting times on the horizon. The bungalow sounds perfect, I hope it all goes to plan and wish you both every happiness there. Spring is coming and that's the perfect time to move!

Vera said...

JEAN: We can also put an upstairs in the bungalow if we want to, and can expand the downstairs as well. That's the good thing about can swop the room around according to needs.
In France we lived on the ground floor because the upper floor was never renovated, and we grew to like the convenience of not having stairs to climb! And, as you say, it is more convenient when you get older to live on one floor!.

RUSTY DUCK: We have nothing to do in the bungalow and nothing to do in the garden either, except the occasional bit of lawn is going to be a good Spring and Summer, but then I am who I am, so maybe it is foolish of me to think I shall take it easy and not start making the place into a home which suits us!

Janice said...

So good to read a post from you Vera. What an ordeal you went through but so glad that you are so much better. The bungalow sounds just right for you and I'm looking forward to seeing pictures. There are many neighbourhoods over here that are all bungalows. Mostly built in the 50's to 80's. The only difference I would think is that we all have basements, which is like having a 2 storey house except one level is quite a bit below grade. We live in our basement just as much as we live on the main floor, the finish and decor is the same up and down. Take care.

Tommo said...

Crikey! Good to hear you've sold to a French couple. Hope you and they are happy. Life goes on. Crikey again! Good to hear you survived the hospital without getting the dreaded Covid plague. Best of luck with your intended bungalow purchase. Keep scribing!

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Vera - I am so very happy to hear from you again. I was worried.

I am very glad that the sale went through. I know that was quite a worry, and how nice to sell it to someone that wants to continue what you were doing.

It is funny (or at least funny to me) how sometimes life leads us in new directions and we keep fighting to keep going in the old one.

I do hope the bungalow works out. I will be eager to see pictures when you post them - I think "bungalow" there and "bungalow" here may mean two slightly different things.

My vote, for what it is worth, is that you will not find it easy at all to not make into a home that suits you, and will start the moment you close on it!

Travel said...

Oh my, it is good to hear from you. Sorry you have had a rough go of it. Glad to hear you are home, and possibly a new home on the horizon.

Denise said...

There’s a lot of serendipity happening at the moment, isn’t there? One can’t help but think it is all for the greater good. Happy to see you have blogged, too! xx

Vera said...

TRAVEL: Thank you for your kind words.......

Vera said...

JANICE: Bungalows don't have basements here, and I think would be much smaller as a result, but they can have rooms built in the loft space, and they are called 'dormer' bungalows!
Bungalows are seen as 'retirement' homes because they do not have a proper upper floor, but the one we are hoping to purchase has attached work room spaces, thus making it larger!

Vera said...

TOMMO: Thanks, and you keep scribing too! Looking forward to hearing tales of you and your motor bike adventures, although I have heard that it has been a cold and wet winter in France, which is the same as it has been in the UK! And yes, it was indeed a miracle that I did not catch the COVID plague......

Vera said...

TOIRDHEALBHEACH BEUCAIL: Thank you for such kind words.....It has been a hard time to get through, but I have kept faith in higher energies looking after me, and that things will turn out alright.

I have started planning how to make the bungalow into a home already, so you are right...., I will be unable not to do that and to have a rest!

Thank you once again.......

walking in beauty carmarthenshire said...

VEra, Thank you for your kind comment and good wishes.
How is your health now? are they still poking and prodding you? They are my husband. They investigared his lungs, unfortunately the anaethetist had gone wasnt pleasant. But he is gradually improving we think.
Thank you for sharing your dreams and journey with us. I have come to the conclusion,as with everything in life, we have to embrace change and allow old dreams to fade and start dreaming new ones. We will be happy with anything we do ,if we allow it.
Please keep posting I enjoy knowing how you are and what you are doing.
Kathy xx

Vera said...

WALKING IN BEAUTY: Thank you for updating me on how your husband is getting along. I hope he continues to improve.....sending prayers to you both, because it is as difficult a time for you and it is for him, so bless you both.

I have a leaky heart valve, AF ( Irregular heart beats), and a widened aorta, which all sounds a bit grim but I remain in faith that all will be well, that it is as it is, although sometimes I do emotionally wobble. Moving to my own home will help me because I can have a meditation room in which I can holistically balance myself, which will help with the medical condition.

Meanwhile, we have to keep moving forward even if this requires movement and change in our lives....not to resist, but to accept.....

Please stay in touch, email address is, ....

In love and light