Monday 13 March 2023

Catching up!

 Oh dear, nearly six months since I last posted a blog. It is not that I have been bothered to write to you. Oh no. It is because words have been absent in my head, and that includes verbal words as much as written ones. It has been a heavy time for me since I was sliced open to have my heart 'repaired'. Long months of not feeling myself. Having to get used to hobbling around at a much slower pace , which has left me feeling ancient in years and useless. 

But it has been the best of times as well. The benefit of those long months of physical and mental inactivity has enabled me to rethink and revaluate  parts of my life which had caused me a a hoohah of pain and tears in abundance at the time they happened, but had become become buried in my memory, filed away  because there was no time to think them through as my life hurtled its way onwards.

So it has been a slow time for me, but one of much soul searching and much growth of self. All the emotional detritus which I had accumulated in the past has been mostly let go off, and a more refined version of me seems to have been born. I am still the same of course, but I am slightly different in self. As I have said, it has been the best of times interspersed with intense bouts of soul searching. 

I can now walk as far as the bus stop, which is on an uphill gradient so good for my thighs. It is not far, but there is no bus shelter to wait in, so if the bus is delayed it does mean having to lean on the bus stop post to support myself. I am not good at standing for a length of time, but if I take my walking pole with me then I can use that to lean on. However the walking pole is a fearsome nuisance for getting on and off the bus. Not to worry, I need it for the moment, but when out for a walk I now carry it rather than leaning on it for support all the time.

I am also helped by my shrinking bosom, the weight of which tended to make me stoop with the heaviness of them. The loss of weight has also benefitted the amount of body luggage that my physical frame has to cope with, and I have my partner to thank for this because he has put us on a low carb / sugar free regime. No more biscuits and evening nibbles..... just one meal a day (two for me) made up of protein, salad, and vegetables, with no food after 6 pm which gives the body time to digest and absorb what we have eaten. I am sleeping better, do not get up for the loo during the night, and wake up between 4 - 5 am after 7-8 hours of sleep. 

Now why did my partner decide to organise our diet? Because he was given a motor cycle jacket which he could not get into. So why does he need to have  that specific type of jacket? Because he took himself off to a motorbike test centre recently to have the necessary training for riding a bike, that's what he did....and he passed the course. He has also dropped enough weight to get into that jacket, and all he needs to do is buy a motorbike, which he spends endless pleasurable man-moments researching. I have got over my fear of him falling off and breaking his body up. He needs to live life. 
   He did mention that he thought that I could also take the motorbike course as well. I did ride a Honda 90 back in the day, but I said that the bus is alright for me at the moment.
   And the car? Not do-able for me now. I am 76 soon, and my age and the recent heart operation will combine for me not to be accepted for a renewal of my car license.  Not to worry. I have got over my feeling of having lost my freedom to go where I want to, but instead have learnt to bless the fact that I can still have use of my feet so can walk. 'Count your blessings', that is what I have learnt through my recent slow time. But I do not discount the fact that I could get an electric scooter when I get stronger! 
I have learnt that there are always options to be had if you just open your eyes to them, and not dwell so much on the obstacles which are seeming to block you. There are other ways, and if you can't find them immediately you can always send a prayer up to The Universe for help. 

Thanks for stopping by, 

Bye for now,