Giving me permission to be me, that is what I am promising myself as a project for this year.
That if the washing up is not done every day, then so be it.
That if the tiled floors of the house are not pristine, that it does not matter.
That if the house is not super duper tidy, at least it looks lived in.
And to stop believing that I have to achieve such high standards of perfection,
because I am all right as I am.
And here is me.
This is the cosy chair in the kitchen. It is actually quite uncomfortable to sit in because the springs underneath the seat tend to poke up into my posterior, not enough to wound though, just enough to give a gentle poke. And I have to be careful about fidgeting about in the chair because the arms are a bit shakey, and will probably fall off in the not too distant future.
But it is easy to sit in one position, because the chair is narrow and I easily fill the space of it up, me being of a cuddly size and shape.
The chair is quite old, not an antique, just seen quite a lot of life, which is a bit like me....although suffering some physical damage, still carrying on, being useful when needed. As I say, a bit like me!
The blue cushion is no longer plump, but flattened by age and made some years ago when I had my shop in which I made and sold garments for big ladies. The fabric that the cushion is made from a remnant of cloth from that time, and the buttons also. They must be over thirty years old. Crikey, but how time flies. I was a mum of young children at the time. Now I am a granny with a farm.
I still sew, it is part of who I am. I like to be dressed in clothes I have made. Makes me feel an entire person. I also knit and crochet. I wear my clothes rather than my clothes wearing me. What I mean is, that because I wear clothes which stretch and move with me, that I do not feel confined. I don't wear trousers. They make me feel squashed up. I like to feel the wind on my legs. But not in the winter. When it is cold I 'borrow' my husband's long john thermals. They are not as elegant as my white lady lacy thermal leggings, but neither do they make me itch.
So I have a love of all things knitted, crocheted, and sewn, which tends to give me a vaguely Boho (Bohemian) look, which is not cultivated but has sort of arrived as I have got older, and still continues to keep on arriving!
I also spin the fleece from our sheep, but have not as yet made anything much it. There is a skein of wool hanging on the shelf behind the chair. There are skeins hanging about all round the house.
And beside this skein is set of small wooden butter pats, which I bought so that I could make tidy pats of butter when I process the cream into butter from the milk of our cows. But these wooden pats did not work for me, and instead I roll the butter into a
balled oblong shape, which looks far more arty and artisanal!
Hanging on the other side of the shelf is my gardening hat, which is very floppy so does limit my range of vision, but it does keep the sun off my face. This hat also adds to the Boho effect. Walking about the garden carrying my bucket of garden tools and produce all adds to the effect as well!
And just to mention that the Market Garden Project is in a sort of limbo at the moment. Now Lester is working in his virtual office for many hours of the day the Project is now in my hands.
Not to worry, the way ahead will become clearer to me, of that I am sure, even if at the moment the forward pathway is shrouded in fog.
As in all things, when the way seems blocked,
best to be patient and wait,
best not to give up,
best not to divert one's self on to another project which would probably turn out to be a waste of time anyway, but to busy one's self with doing smaller projects which do not need a pathway ahead.
So, wishing you patience in abundance for any stuck pathways in your life,
and hoping that 2018 sees the way forward being shown to you,
Bye for now,