Epitaph for a 'friend'

It's been a strange couple of weeks. Everything has kept ticking along in regards to building our new life here, but in myself I have had to let go. I suppose it was time. I was reflecting on these thoughts out on our beach on the Adour river this morning, and I thought of how all the plants which have arrived and grown on the beach. Sometime soon it will rain, and the river waters will flow. Perhaps the plants will survive. Perhaps they won't. But their seeds will flow on to other places, the same as the original plants fetched up here. So there is continuation of sorts.

Last week someone I thought of as a friend detached themselves from me. Without cause. Without reason. For years I have known this person. We have a history. But several times this has happened before. And several times I have taken that person back into my life.


I suppose in the scheme of things, that a friendship is not really very important. But it is. Because you let someone into your life and when they leave a gap appears. Especially if there is no valid reason as to their leaving.


I cannot be bothered to question the person as to their actions: after all, they have the right to do what they must. But there has to come a time when the door has to be closed for good. So I went through all my files and deleted any reference to that person. And when it came to my phone book, I did the same, but carried on and deleted all phone numbers relevant to the last ten years of my life. I made a new phone book on my PC. One page for family contacts in the UK. Another for other phone numbers, of which the majority are French.


And so, last week, not only did I close a door on a 'friendship' which had become lop-sided, I also closed the door on my old life. We have been here for one year and three months, it's about time. Moving forward, that's what I am doing.


Surprisingly, it was quite hard getting rid of that old phone book. Even though I never contacted any of the people whose numbers were noted in it, and they never contacted me, I think I still needed the security of having those people in my life, in the background. Now I don't. I guess that I really am ready to build a new life here.


Although I have no friendship networks here as yet, I look forward to new people coming into my life and getting to know them in the years ahead. I am not in a hurry. Like our river beach, I will wait and let people take root in my life who are right to be there. And not bend myself to fit another person's view of me which makes me feel diminished in myself.

Thankyou for sharing these musings, and ending with the early morning tranquility of the Adour.