Monday, 14 September 2009

Epitaph for a 'friend'

It's been a strange couple of weeks. Everything has kept ticking along in regards to building our new life here, but in myself I have had to let go. I suppose it was time. I was reflecting on these thoughts out on our beach on the Adour river this morning, and I thought of how all the plants which have arrived and grown on the beach. Sometime soon it will rain, and the river waters will flow. Perhaps the plants will survive. Perhaps they won't. But their seeds will flow on to other places, the same as the original plants fetched up here. So there is continuation of sorts.

Last week someone I thought of as a friend detached themselves from me. Without cause. Without reason. For years I have known this person. We have a history. But several times this has happened before. And several times I have taken that person back into my life.

I suppose in the scheme of things, that a friendship is not really very important. But it is. Because you let someone into your life and when they leave a gap appears. Especially if there is no valid reason as to their leaving.

I cannot be bothered to question the person as to their actions: after all, they have the right to do what they must. But there has to come a time when the door has to be closed for good. So I went through all my files and deleted any reference to that person. And when it came to my phone book, I did the same, but carried on and deleted all phone numbers relevant to the last ten years of my life. I made a new phone book on my PC. One page for family contacts in the UK. Another for other phone numbers, of which the majority are French.

And so, last week, not only did I close a door on a 'friendship' which had become lop-sided, I also closed the door on my old life. We have been here for one year and three months, it's about time. Moving forward, that's what I am doing.

Surprisingly, it was quite hard getting rid of that old phone book. Even though I never contacted any of the people whose numbers were noted in it, and they never contacted me, I think I still needed the security of having those people in my life, in the background. Now I don't. I guess that I really am ready to build a new life here.

Although I have no friendship networks here as yet, I look forward to new people coming into my life and getting to know them in the years ahead. I am not in a hurry. Like our river beach, I will wait and let people take root in my life who are right to be there. And not bend myself to fit another person's view of me which makes me feel diminished in myself.

Thankyou for sharing these musings, and ending with the early morning tranquility of the Adour.


DUTA said...

When someone detaches himself without an explanation for the reason of such behaviour - that's unforgivable. He/she leaves you wondering forever "what have I done" and nobody deserves that.

I hope, for your sake,that you've indeed closed the door on this "friendship".

Ron said...

Hi Vera,
Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog. Sorry it has taken me so long to return the favor and visit your site.

After reading your post today, I congratulate you for moving forward, putting things behind and starting over. And what great metaphor to start by deleting phone numbers and throwing out phone books--it must be a great way to replenish the soul. Sometimes, I wish I could do that too...

Be well and all the best!

TheChicGeek said...

Hello Vera. That was a heart-touching post. I believe, like you said, sometimes there is a time to close the door forever and that can be so difficult to do, especially when you don't understand the reasons why. People touch our lives and they leave their imprint in our hearts...and that imprint lasts forever. I think we have to take the good memories, cherish them, and relinquish the hurt to a higher power and move forward.

Oh, I feel sad reading this. I also admire your strength in doing what you have...even traveling to a new country and making a new life. You are a courageous and kind-hearted woman with a spirit of adventure. I know that all will be well in your world where ever you are.

Sending you a big hug from America today :)

Vera said...

You are quite right, Duta, I was indeed left wondering what I had done, but this time there is no going back. Thankyou for your concern, and yes, I fully intend the door to be shut for good.

Vera said...

Hi Ron, thanks for stopping by and leaving such kind comments. Getting rid of old contacts has been quite a relief - it's surprising how much we hang on to what we should have let off a long time ago. Why do we do that? Probably some form of basic insecurity I suppose. Anyway, thanks, and hope you are well.

Vera said...

Thankyou so much for my hug, CG (sorry, not sure what name to call you by!) You have understood how much I feel let down by this recent experience, and I thank you for your words. By the way, most nights, before I sign off from my PC, I re-visit the Hope video you posted a few days ago. Helps me go to sleep with positive thoughts. Once again, thanks for posting that.

Renee said...

Vera you are a wonderful person and I have no doubt that you will meet many worthy friends.

Love Renee xoxo

Vera said...

Oh,thankyou for that, Renee, I hope so too. Good friends are our emotional platform in times of unease, and I so hope that you have lots of supportive people around you. It would seem from reading your blog, that you have. Blessings to you.