Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Today was the day......

Today was the day of my Mum's funeral.
She went into the fire in a wicker basket.
All the family were there.
Except me.
I was out in the middle of the field, 
with Lester, Boolie, Gus, Maz, and Blue.

So what was I doing?
Perhaps having a moment of loving thought,
of taking the time to pause in reflection,
of being aware of a new chapter in my life,
of the turning of the years,
of the cycle of life.

Actually, no. 

What I was doing was helping Lester do some fencing, 
which was an urgent job,
because the other field has become partially flooded again,
because it has rained again,
because we can't get the animals on to that field to graze again,
which means that Station Field has to be used again,
but we have just put fertiliser on to that field to help it along,
and we have just put fencing wire along the long length of the internal fencing poles,
but since the other field can't now be used,
we have to use this field,
and the animals will get tangled in the fence wire,
unless we get the fencing grillage up on that wire,
which is what we did in the rain today.

Today was the day of my Mum's funeral.
I didn't go to the funeral because my health has not been kind to me.
Oh not of the 'near death' stuff, 
but of cough, cold, messy tummy, crunchy chest and dreadful tiredness, 
that is what has been set upon me since my Mum finally managed to pass away.
She wanted to go,
Kept asking for more morphine,
Kept on saying "Why am I still here", "I want to go"....
And in the end she did. 

Today was day of my Mum's funeral.
I think she would have liked the wicker basket,
with the round handles looking like port holes,
and the duffle coat type fastenings keeping the lid from opening,
of the theme song from Titanic walking her into the crematorium,
and 'Bring me sunshine' being played as she departed that place, 
Yes, I think, all in all, that she would have enjoyed her send off.

Today was the day of my Mum's funeral.
Rest in peace, Mum,
God speed you towards the light.

And I thought of the family giving you your send off
as I stood in the rain,
fencing our land,
and smiling up at the sky,
and giving praise and thanks
for you walking beside me as my Mum,
for nearly sixty six years
as I held on to the grillage to stop it from buckling
while Lester clipped it to the wire
so that our animals can graze on the field tomorrow,
because life goes on....


John Gray said...

Surrounded by unknowing animals
It has always helped me at these times

Jean said...

Your mum would not have minded one bit that you were not at the funeral. The fact that you were thinking about her and all the years she was your mum would mean a lot more than just being present at the funeral.
A lot of politics (family politics) happens at funerals but your mum is out of all that now and out of pain. Just because life goes on doesn't mean you will forget your mum, far from it.

I hope your health improves, I'm sure it will when spring gets going properly.

Janice said...

So glad to see you back blogging. I feel so bad for all your pain with your dear mum passing and the turn your health has taken. I hope that you find some peace now that you aare home with your husband and animals. My mum passed away almost two years ago and I know how difficult it can be day by day. But, I feel it does get easier as time goes by to remember all the good times and not think too much about the sad ending. Much love to you. You are in my thoughts.

Food, Fun and Life in the Charente said...

My thoughts are with you. I know how difficult this is. May your Mum RIP. Take care and I hope you feel better very soon. Diane xx

SueC said...

Thinking of you Vera - I have two aged and sick parents so I know I shall be facing what you are going through before too long.
Hope you feel well again soon. Always an inspiration to me

Horst in Edmonton said...

My Condolences to you Vera. Sounds like your mother had a good funeral, but funerals are for the living and life must go on. Hope you had a great Easter. Let's hope you are getting better, that cold can get to be pneumonia real fast. Take real good care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

Courage ...

So sorry Vera.

Razmataz said...

So sorry or your loss of your mum. I am sure she understood your reasons for being on the field. Your heart was with her despite the distance.

DUTA said...

My deepest condolences. Sorry for the loss of your Mother.

Ally said...

So lovely to have you back blogging. Was fearful that you wouldn't be back. I feel for you in your loss. My much loved mare died last week, my daughter's wedding was Saturday, I took her bouquet to my parents' grave in Galloway on Sunday and simply broke down. Now have bad chest, upset tummy, streaming cold. Just all too much and this week I feel a very feeble 62 year old. So I certainly feel for you. Bought a run down cottage in Normandy with stable and paddock last year, for Bronte. Taking her ashes to her paddock and sowing wildflowers and planting a weeping willow. I shall think of you with your animals and memories. Bless you and I hope some Spring sunshine will bring you some happiness and hope x

rusty duck said...

That was moving and beautifully written Vera.
So sorry for your loss.
Look after that cough now. Jx

Vera said...

John, being out on the smallholding seems to soak all those blues away, as well you know! Hope the visit with MIL goes well.

Jean, you are right about family politics. I can't understand the need that some people have to make trouble for others. Standing in a field was a much better way to 'attend' the funeral! Thankyou for your kind words.

Janice, I know it will take a while to adjust to Mum's passing, and you are right...everything will seem much better once the weather improves. Thankyou for your kind thoughts.

Diane, thank you, I am feeling better than I did.

SueC, having parents reach their end time is quite an emotional experience,even if they are tired and want to pass over, which my Mum had wanted to do for some time. So sending you hugs and blessings in preparation for what is to come for you, and I feel privileged that you find me inspirational.

Horst, I am feeling much better now, and thank you for your kind words.

Anonymous, whoever you are, bless you....x

Razmataz, I think I was probably closer to Mum because I did not go to the funeral, than if I had of been if I had of gone, if that makes sense!

Duta, nice to hear from you, hope you are well, and thank you.

Ally, gosh, you have been through the mill as well, so I hope that your health improves soon. I think it is a lovely gesture to plant those flowers and weeping willow as a memorial to your mare, and I hope that as we move into the Spring that you, too, will walk with lighter step. x

Denise said...

Closer to your Mum's spirit surrounded by Nature, the Earth and the Sky, than standing still by an empty shell and a coffin.

Live for life, Vera - as always.

Denise and the USC xx

The Broad said...

Your post is a beautiful tribute to your mother, Vera. Reading it I thought of your mother being by your side as the words came. Peace be with you and with her.

When I clicked on your blog and the picture came up the hens reminded me of multi-coloured Easter eggs!

rosaria williams said...

I feel for you.
You lost a piece of you, and you will forever feel that loss.
Take care of yourself; life in the country doesn't allow for much rest, but you do need to rest and let the body recuperate.

Vera said...

Denise, thanks.

The Broad, I had a tumbly relationship with my Mum, and I hope there can be peace between us now, so thank you for your kind words.

Rosaria, smallholding life sure keeps us busy, but you are right...all I seem to do at the moment is sleep! And bless you for the words you wrote. x

Ken Devine said...

You were where you were meant to be and so was your mum...and you were with each other.

Vera said...

Jessica, the words just seemed to flow out, which they sometimes do but most times don't! Blessings to you for your words of support.

Ken, nice to hear from you, and thanks.

Angelwriter77 said...

I feel your sadness and send you love.
May you be blessed as your words bring love, peace and hope.
Be the radiant being you are, and shine bright in the darkness of the soul, and remove the blackness of grief.
Dance in the light, Vera and things will be alright!
Your mum walks by you always, always has and always will.
In love and light to you always

Kev Alviti said...

sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sure she knew you'll do here proud. x

Niall & Antoinette said...

Vera - for some reason this post never flagged up so I'm SO sorry I'm responding so late.

My condolences it is very hard to lose a parent.[I lost my mum 15 yrs ago on April 4]
I'm sure your mum is smiling down at you as you relive memories of her. I've found animals a great comfort at times of loss. Take care.