It's been an odd few days. I was going to do a 'Year of Photo's', just to tidy up 2009, just to make a record of what how we did. Couldn't do it. Started working my way through the January files, pulling out the photos which marked steps being taken to go forward. But I shut the file down, skimmed through other months, then closed that project down as being a useless exercise. Why? Because it felt like too much hard work to revisit it all. It was a busy year, was 2009. But then all my years are busy.
Of making decisions to go this way or that way, or stay here in this position or go forward into new stages, new experiences, when gates open, when the opportunity arises. Of standing still for the moment. Of waiting. Of doing it. When it comes. When the moment arrives.
Of the rocks and blockages that appeared to stop the progression forward, but in the end didn't. Still my life managed to flow onwards. In a straight line if I cared to see from whence I had come, but mostly not having the time to do so, the busyness of the flowing forward not allowing me to take the time to observe all that had been. Shame that I did not do this for myself. Because the rocks and barriers would not have seemed so difficult, so insurmountable.
Of daring to stand alone, despite opposition, despite lack of encouragement, despite not being able to comprehend why my life was doing what it was doing at that particular moment. But hanging on to the flow of it anyway. Of standing by myself. Without support. But nevertheless growing strong. Strong enough to stand tall within myself.
Of blossoming in the darkness of the emotional mish mash.
Of learning to be patient when the river of my life was stopped. When the crossroad effect was happening. When I had to watch for the next chapter, the next adventure, the next learning curve of which there were many. Some steep. Some not so steep. But all requiring effort of self. Often I wished I could have stopped and let my life go on without me, let it pass on by, go off into the distance while I stayed where I was.
But I didn't. So I will go forward into 2010 with a good heart. Ready to take whatever it is my life brings my way, going with the flow, not knowing what is ahead but going forward to meet it anyway.
However, I am not ready to have a look at all that we achieved during 2009, because, quite frankly, looking at the photographic record brought back the hectic rush of it all!
And here I am, sending you a smile, wishing you well, hoping you are moving forward when the time is right for you to do so. I could have posted a tidier photo, but for most of the time I have a generally frazzled appearance which suits the way in which my life tumbles me forward.
So hesitatingly stepping into 2010, not ready to have a look back at all that 2009 brought my way yet, with my sixty third birthday on the horizon and "crikey how have I managed to get this far!" and thinking that it has been nice chatting to you, and hoping that you are doing OK, and off into my day I go. x(I took these photos a few weeks ago when out on a walk down the lane and through the nearby maize fields)