Sunday, 7 January 2018

This is me......

Giving me permission to be me, that is what I am promising myself as a project for this year.
That if the washing up is not done every day, then so be it.
That if the tiled floors of the house are not pristine, that it does not matter.
That if the house is not super duper tidy, at least it looks lived in.
And to stop believing that I have to achieve such high standards of perfection,
because I am all right as I am.
And here is me.
This is the cosy chair in the kitchen. It is actually quite uncomfortable to sit in because the springs underneath the seat tend to poke up into my posterior, not enough to wound though, just enough to give a gentle poke. And I have to be careful about fidgeting about in the chair because the arms are a bit shakey, and will probably fall off in the not too distant future.
But it is easy to sit in one position, because the chair is narrow and I easily fill the space of it up, me being of a cuddly size and shape.
The chair is quite old, not an antique, just seen quite a lot of life, which is a bit like me....although suffering some physical damage, still carrying on, being useful when needed. As I say, a bit like me!
The blue cushion is no longer plump, but flattened by age and made some years ago when I had my shop in which I made and sold garments for big ladies. The fabric that the cushion is made from a remnant of cloth from that time, and the buttons also. They must be over thirty years old. Crikey, but how time flies. I was a mum of young children at the time. Now I am a granny with a farm.
I still sew, it is part of who I am. I like to be dressed in clothes I have made. Makes me feel an entire person. I also knit and crochet. I wear my clothes rather than my clothes wearing me. What I mean is, that because I wear clothes which stretch and move with me, that I do not feel confined. I don't wear trousers. They make me feel squashed up. I like to feel the wind on my legs. But not in the winter. When it is cold I 'borrow' my husband's long john thermals. They are not as elegant as my white lady lacy thermal leggings, but neither do they make me itch.
So I have a love of all things knitted, crocheted, and sewn, which tends to give me a vaguely Boho (Bohemian) look, which is not cultivated but has sort of arrived as I have got older, and still continues to keep on arriving!
I also spin the fleece from our sheep, but have not as yet made anything much it. There is a skein of wool hanging on the shelf behind the chair. There are skeins hanging about all round the house.
And beside this skein is set of small  wooden butter pats, which I bought so that I could make tidy pats of butter when I process the cream into butter from the milk of our cows. But these wooden pats did not work for me, and instead I roll the butter into a
balled oblong shape, which looks far more arty and artisanal!
Hanging on the other side of the shelf is my gardening hat, which is very floppy so does limit my range of vision, but it  does keep the sun off my face. This hat also adds to the Boho effect. Walking about the garden carrying my bucket of garden tools and produce all adds to the effect as well!
 And just to mention that the Market Garden Project is in a sort of limbo at the moment. Now Lester is working in his virtual office for many hours of the day the Project is now in my hands.
Not to worry, the way ahead will become clearer to me, of that I am sure, even if at the moment the forward pathway is shrouded in fog.
As in all things, when the way seems blocked,
best to be patient and wait,
best not to give up,
best not to divert one's self on to another project which would probably turn out to be a waste of time anyway, but to busy one's self with doing smaller projects which do not need a pathway ahead.
So, wishing you patience in abundance for any stuck pathways in your life,
and hoping that 2018 sees the way forward being shown to you,
Bye for now,



Old School said...

And the same good wishes to you!

That big new market garden in your neighborhood has certainly thrown a spanner in your plans. But I'm confident you will see a way through. Surely there will be a niche for something (baby salad greens?) that will thrive under your care and attention.

And all sensible people know making music and art and gardens is way more important that a tidy house. And so is being happy!

- Su

Vera said...

SU, thank you so much for your kind words, they really lifted me up this morning as I was feeling a little bit flattened by everything. x

northsider dave said...

I think a lot of smallholders struggle to find a way to make a living in the countryside. Its good that Lester can work from home in his office. Enjoy your music and your animals and here's to a productive year.

Ally said...

You are very creative and that is a real gift. It is so important to let yourself be. So many folk are too busy scurrying about trying to be doing. Be what you are, do what you will but always be happy that you are you. Blessings and all happiness to you for this new year x

Kerry said...

We are always too hard on ourselves, must do this, must do that, feeling a failure if we haven't ticked everything off the to-do list. I've decided that this year is the year to more of the things we came to France to, bike rides, walks etc.

Vera said...

NORTHSIDER DAVE, you are right about smallholders needing another form of income to help them financially survive, but I also think it is the same for farmers, so it is lucky that both Lester and I have the skills to do other things as well. But most of all, as you say, it is important to enjoy what you have.

ALLY, thanks for your kind words..... I often wonder what other people do who are not creatively inclined, how do they fill their time!

KERRY, you are so right about feeling a failure if we have not done everything we think we should have done, and well done you for deciding to take more time out. For me, it would be being outside more and not letting the house and its needs rule me!

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

What a lovely word picture Vera. Thank you.

Vera said...

TOIRDHEALBHEACH BEUCAIL, ...... your comment was most welcome, so thank you for posting it!

Rhodesia said...

Love this post and I agree with all you say, Yes I am also going to be me! Sorry I have not been by, but we both returned from Christmas in the UK very ill and still not fully recovered. Belated Happy new year and let 2018 be a healthy one. Take care Diane

Vera said...

DIANE, oh dear, I do hope you make a full recovery soon. Lester is going to a business conference next week in London, and I must admit to being concerned in case he brings some UK cold flu bug back with him.... so far we have been cold free this winter!
Wishing you all the best for 2018.

Tommo said...

Been raining a bit lately so there's quite a bit of flooding in France. Am wondering how you're doing...

Vera said...

TOMMO, no flooding here but there will be if the rain does not stop! River by our fields is running high but has not come over its banks. Hope you stay unflooded!

Theresa Young said...

Well, Hello You. Nicely done.

Vera said...

THERESA, thank you, and 'hello you' to you as well, and thanks for visiting.