I went to a cremation yesterday. Didn't have to go far. Just a few metres. Stayed in farm gear: wellies, woolly hat, thermals, - the usual.
There was a bit of a bang when the match was thrown, though. Actually it was more like a mini explosion. It was the petrol, you see. Makes quite a blast when combined with an open flame.
Hubs kept me company for a while, then off to Plaisance with the car for its two yearly MOT. It failed. Now wears a label saying that it is an illegal car. Ten things wrong: windscreen crack, a leak somewhere in the internals, head lights, etc. Costly. So there goes the rebate he has just had from the Inland Revenue.
I attended the cremation for a while afterwards, though. Reflecting on life. Of the frailty of it. Of having to take decisions that are for the best, but are, nevertheless, still hard.
Wobbly lamb? Making good piles of little round balls of poo two days ago. Had a good day of feeding off milk and hay. Head up. Legs still not working. But wagging his tail at me. And calling for me when he knew I was nearby. Next morning: poo making a return to its watery state. Head laid down.
We got him up, supporting his weight. His body has changed shape. Got more pudgy round the middle, legs looking spindlier.
He took his weight on his front legs. Oh good. They seemed to be working. But what about his back legs. Why did they remained curled, disinterested.
And it came upon us the knowledge that perhaps all of his four legs were never going to work again as they should. Two in front looked like they were willing, but the back two, no.
We laid him down. His head flopped over. His eyes closed. All effort expired. So we expired him.
It is no good to keep pushing life into a living creature that has not the spirit to meet you halfway. That living creature must want to live, must want to keep in life, and you must see it in their eyes if you are going to keep up with the support work.
So we stood as a team, and expired the lamb. And it was to his cremation I went. No recycling into the freezer for him. Just a fast despatchment in total.
And so the steep learning curve continues.
RIP little lamb, and thankyou for contributing to that learning curve.